Shaking like a leaf

You have been King of my glory; won’t you be my Prince of Peace?

Migrating! July 8, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 3:39 pm

I’m migrating from this URL to a new one.  My reasons are threefold:  First, I have wanted a new design for a VERY long time, but apparently wordpress does not like new looks.  Blogspot doesn’t mind them.  (And hooray for Sister for designing my new look!)  Second, I have blogged about a lot of struggles and some very trying times in my life (Buxcellent days, losing my job, etc.), and I wanted to limit how many people would see my frustrations, so I have kept the link to this blog off of my facebook and other things.  Third, I am working hard to have a more upbeat outlook (that’s pretty close to “inright outright upright downright”) and really trust that the Lord is going to deliver me from all of my troubles.  That’s right – all of them.  He’s been faithful for so long that it’s really just ridiculous NOT to trust him!  Anyway, my plan is for my new URL to be a place for updates and for rejoicing… and I am going to focus on finding the joy and having fewer vent sessions.

Story time with Taylor:  I was driving to work in a rainstorm awhile back, and I was really struggling to see.  I had my windshield wipers on full blast, the defroster was turned up, and I was squinting like it would help somehow.  It was a little scary… and then I looked in my rearview mirror.  Because I was moving forward, there wasn’t even any rain on my back windshield.  Like – not even a drop.  I could see perfectly, and it just looked a bit cloudy outside.  I found the rain on my little car to be such a parallel for life during trying times.  I can be straining so hard to see ahead of me… and a little scared… and feeling like the world is just out of control… but when I look back at where I’ve come from and what I’ve already been through, I realize that my current storm is not as bad as it seems.  It’s not out of control, and it’s not raining as hard as I think it is.  The storm is really just a result of moving forward, so I should take the rain as a good sign.  It means that at least I’m making progress.  And besides, my God controls the storms.  There is really nothing to fear.

I will now be blogging at taylorrheanne dot blogspot dot com.  Change your links – I’m moving!

 

Erin’s Wedding June 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 10:29 pm

Well, after a very eventful weekend, my sweet college roommate got married.  If pictures are actually worth a thousand words….

Bridesmaids 3

People always think we’re sisters….

Bride and me 2

 

I got to see some of my loves!

Kenz, Laura and me

 Ev and me

Rehearsal 4

Singing friends 2

It was a beautiful wedding, and it was a tremendous blessing to see these friends that I love so dearly.  How incredible to spend time with friends that know me so well and love me just the same.  I am so thankful for them.  And for Lance’s safety.  He had an adventure on his way back from San Antonio.  Anyway, seeing all of these girls’ smiling faces was one of the highlights of my year so far.

 

Yikes stripes! June 18, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 3:41 pm

This has been an out of control few weeks.  Let’s see… I last blogged on June 3rd.  Since then…

  • We attended the company picnic for the firm.
  • We met my parents for lunch to celebrate our anniversaries.
  • We attended the summer kick-off party for the youth group.
  • I worked in the nursery during church… but successfully finished teaching the 2s!  Back to grownup class now!
  • We organized a cookout for our young marrieds group at the park.
  • Lance did work camp.
  • I had dinner with my friend Kenna.
  • I achieved 6 months of working at the firm… which means I get vacation days now!
  • Todd made us all stand in the bathroom at church because the bathroom is a storm shelter, and a big storm rolled through.  Unfortunately, my little presh Budster was outside in the storm that was bad enough for Todd to make us stand in the bathroom.  He looked like a drowned rat.
  • We went to a summer youth series… during which I stood up, walked across an aisle and seized cell phones.  Am I mean?  Possibly.  Do I think that worship is important enough to put the cell phone down for an hour?  You betcha.
  • We got Lance ready for mission trip (including going to WalMart and Kroger for snacks, making restaurant reservations, planning for lunch before leaving, ordering crafts from Oriental Trading, picking up the van, hooking up the trailer, making multiple to-do lists, pulling $500 out of our bank account so that we could put exact cash in envelopes for the kids, etc.).
  • We (unfortunately) missed the young marrieds’ lake trip due to the bullet immediately preceding this one.
  • We got Buddy’s nails trimmed.  Traumatic?  Yep.
  • We realized that church is very different from the back of the auditorium than it is from the front.  Who knew so many people left after communion?!
  • Lance went to San Antonio.  (If you want to know what he did there, you can read his blog. J)
  • I hosted small group at our house.
  • I met my friend Kenna again… this time plus Richard, Caitlin, and a pup named Ginger.  We got yogurt and it was soooo good.
  • I got my hair cut.  I no longer have “the Rachel” from circa 1997.
  • I paid the bills, pulled some weeds from a flower bed, did the laundry, did the dishes, and kept the house nearly spotless out of boredom.
  • Oh, our back porch light kind of short-circuited and is dead now.  Poopy.
  • I bought my first maxi dress.  The first one I tried on was so long that fabric drug the ground all around me.  Anyway, this one fits better… and it may be one of the most comfortable things I have ever put on.  I hope those are still in fashion whenever I have babies.  They seem like good pregnancy dresses.  Maybe I’ll wear them even if they’re out of style by then and just cry if anyone tries to tell me otherwise.

Tonight, I head to Garland to stay with my mom and celebrate the wedding fabulousness of Erin.  It will be an adventure of a weekend – I will get to see my mom and sister, Lance will finally come home, I will see all of my college friends, my best friend from college will get married… and I don’t think I can sit in my dress.  Definite adventure.  I am super excited though.  After a week of not having many people to hang out with (except for my superfun yogurt night with Richard and Kenna and the mini-gummy bears), it will be fabulous to be around so many people that make me so happy.

Also, I know I’ve been slacking MAJOR in the picture department… but hopefully I’ll have some wonderful ones after this weekend!  I know – something to look forward to!

 

3-Year Anniversary June 3, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 8:52 am

My love,

Three years ago, we became husband and wife.  We had a wonderful wedding that made us both laugh and cry, which is exactly what I wanted.  I wore a princess dress and had all the beautiful pink flowers I always dreamed of.  No one exploded during the wedding (which was a legitimate concern…).  You cried so hard as I walked down the aisle that I couldn’t look at you.  It was pretty much perfect.

But, love, as incredible as that day was, the three years since then have been amazing… all because of you.  They have been very different than we’d anticipated.  We actually fought less than everyone told us we would, but we had other more difficult matters to deal with.  We’ve had health issues and a car accident and a pink slip to reckon with… but that was okay because we always stand by each other and take care of each other – maybe even more so when there are bad things happening.  You have been incredibly patient with me… throughout my year of unhappiness at that job, dealing with at least weekly (and sometimes daily tears)… during each and every time that I get frustrated and stressed and entirely caught up in the details… when I have been hurt deeply by other people… You took care of me when I had my wisdom teeth out and when I had a stomach bug.  You always get the heavy bowls off the top shelf that I can’t reach.  You make me laugh so hard, and I love to hear you sing.  You are always my white knight.

I feel incredibly blessed to be married to someone who can communicate so well, is so self-aware, and can admit fault.  Your humility teaches me constantly, and I think I am starting to learn that I don’t have to be right all the time.

In so many ways, we are so much alike.  We have a million little inside jokes and so many “remember when” stories.  On the other hand, though, you are my polar opposite.  I think that balance causes us to be a perfect fit while simultaneously driving each other crazy at times.  I know, though, that you have made me a better person, and I pray that I have shaped you, too.

You are truly my best friend, which is part of what is so hard when you go out of town.  Not only does my husband leave… my best friend does, too!  You are always the first person I want to tell things to and the one I call when things go great or terrible.  My favorite place to be is wherever you are.

Happy anniversary, love.  You have made the last three years wonderful, and I look forward to celebrating years and years and years together.

 

Update by topic because I heart organization May 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 9:16 pm

Update on the dental fail from a few weeks ago:  I went to see a dentist that goes to Pleasant Ridge (the church Lance grew up at) because I just needed someone who would tell me the truth.  If I did indeed have 8 cavities, well, I would get them taken care of.  But given the fact that, due to my perfectionistic tendencies (see previous post…), I truly brush and floss every single day (unless I am sick or we are having a lock-in, but I think those are excused flossing absences), so I was going to be exceedingly unhappy if I had that many cavities after my faithful dental habits.  Anyway, I went to see the dentist yesterday morning, and he kept huffing and puffing like he was irritated the entire time he was looking at my teeth.  I got more and more nervous – thinking, “holy cow… I bet I have more than 8.  Oh, this is bad.  How am I going to pay for double-digit cavities???”  He ordered a couple of X-rays of my back teeth, and then put them up on the light board thingy and asked me to come look at them.  It turns out that I am in need of one filling.  One.  We’re talking a total cost of $150.  Then the dentist told me that he was huffing and puffing because he is irritated at his entire profession right now.  He said that I am the 5th person in 3 weeks to come in with a laundry list of things a dentist recommends when they don’t need that much work.  Given the previous diagnosis I’d been handed, I had never been so happy to hear I needed a filling in all my life.

Youth group update:  We had a lock-in Friday night, and I came home and slept for 5 hours in the middle of it and was STILL wiped out for days.  I’m old.

Holiday update:  So Monday was Memorial Day… and it was the first day I’ve had off this entire year (with the exception of New Years’ Day and the day I threw up a lot).  It felt pretty amazing to have a day of rest.  We took it easy for most of the day and then worked in the yard for the afternoon and evening… and then treated ourselves to Snuffer’s for our hard work. Then we sat in the backyard on our newly cleaned patio and watched Buddy bury his bone over and over.  Having Monday off has made this week seem so short… and I am finally about to be eligible for my days off, so I will be able to take a day off here and there.

Garage sale update:  It is now officially this coming Saturday!  Lance and I are ridiculously excited to get all of this stuff out of our garage… and it will be fabulous if we make some money off of it too!  To be honest, I’m not sure how much we’ll make (I think the total of the stuff we’re selling is probably between $100 and $150), but to have a clean house AND a little extra cash – hello, new favorite pastime!

Style update:  I mentioned 2 posts ago that I was going to Banana to use a coupon and a gift card… I had a marvelous little shopping trip, and I came home with 4 shirts that I am pretty crazy about for a grand total of $61.  I am so proud of myself!  I wanted to celebrate, but I usually shop to celebrate, and I’d already done that… :)

Money update:  When I started at the firm, I enrolled in the flex spending plan thing, and I totally just picked a number out of thin air to contribute to this plan.  Our FSA runs from June to June or something (instead of being a calendar year), so I REALLY had no idea how much to set aside.  Well, given this latest round of dental visits, I will have spent every penny… and Lance and I will only have to pay like $14 out of pocket for any medical expenses so far this entire year.  Hip hip Jorge!

Shower update:  I am hosting one on Saturday and one on Sunday… and that will successfully wrap up the shower-throwing marathon I have been a part of for the last several months.

Important dates to remember:  Today is my spiritual birthday.  This coming Wednesday (June 3rd) will mark my 3rd wedding anniversary.  Thursday, June 25th is Lance’s birthday.  Saturday, June 27th is my birthday.  (I will finally be old enough to rent a car without a fee!)

Other upcoming events:  June 5th is my company picnic.  There is a small groups dinner thing on the 27th.  What?  My birthday.  Yes.  Lame.  They should have scheduled the dinner around me.  We will have to celebrate another day.  My parents’ 29th anniversary is June 7th.  I’ll have July 3rd off work.  Erin gets married June 20th.  I have June 19th off work (my first vacation day of the year!). 

Count yourself updated.

 

Stumped. May 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 4:36 pm

How does one go about changing the fiber of one’s being?

I’ve decided I want to change.  I recognize my quirks/issues and want them gone.  However, I haven’t the slightest clue how to actually change me.

As I’ve mentioned before (and as anyone who really knows me knows well enough that I don’t have to say it at all), I am a perfectionist.  The big thing is, though, that I hold myself to this ridiculously high standard and then can’t forgive myself when I don’t achieve that standard.  I’m tired of it.  I want to change it.

Yesterday is a perfect example.  The day started off fine.  In fact, I was early to work, so I even went to Starbucks before work.  I didn’t look my absolute best, but I seldom do on Thursdays.  Wednesdays are too long for me to look very good on Thursdays.  Maybe lame… but true.  Anyway, I made several small mistakes throughout the day – nothing huge, but just kind of careless things.  I got mad at myself for that.  I was also fretting about an instance that happened back in January.  When these things build up, I start feeling like I just suck at life.  So then I started getting upset that I can’t keep it together – my house is a mess, Lance and I have barely seen each other this week, I messed up at work, I didn’t blowdry my hair this morning, and I think I have cavities.  Epic fail.  I was so upset that I could barely eat dinner.  We had quesadillas made of a tortilla folded in half plus cheese (obvi) and meat and veggies left over from kabobs from the other night.  I’m sure they were delicious.  I managed to choke down about 2/3 of one.  I spent the whole night longing to hang out with Lance because I was just so frustrated and upset and he always calms me down… and then he left for a three-hour elders meeting… and by the time he got home, I was upset that he had been gone so long and that the house still wasn’t clean and that I couldn’t figure out how to make a blog header.  And I was grouchy.  And not very nice.  And then I was mad at myself for being rude to the one person I wanted to hang out with.  And then I cried.

Really?

Why can’t I shake things off?

I know all the things about living in grace and all of that… but I find it hard to grasp that “living in grace” may also apply when I’m not even doing anything wrong.  I am trying to figure out how to forgive myself for being less than perfect… and not in the sin/no-sin kind of way.  Just in the “it-turns-out-I-am-human” way.

For some people, letting things slide and working through them seems to come so naturally.  For me, I can’t seem to figure out how to do it all.

Sigh.

 

Bad news/Good news May 18, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — taylorrheanne @ 9:55 pm

Life lately….

Bad news:

  • Our garage sale was postponed due to rain Saturday morning.  That’s not that big of a deal, but it is quite an inconvenience right now.  Half of our garage is stacked with stuff.  I have very high hopes that we can make some money off of this garage sale, but I will be pretty thrilled just to have all of this stuff gone.
  • My allergies have been bothering me a lot lately.  It’s just normal stuff (runny nose, itchy throat, etc.), but it’s not that fun.  I have some allergy medicine that works (just walmart brand stuff), but it’s like it dehydrates all of me.  I am SO thirsty all day long, and it makes my eyes really dry too.  Weird… but then medicine WAY affects me.
  • Lance has stuff every night this week (except Tuesday and Saturday… but he’ll probably be recovering from Friday’s lockin and planning for Sunday morning’s service in which he is leading singing), so that’s not that fun.

Good news:

  • We have been working on the story of Jonah in my 2s class (as I’ve mentioned before).  Yesterday, I asked, “Does anyone remember where Jonah was going?”  And one of my 2s goes, “Ninevah!”  How exciting!  That is a big word and a pretty detailed part of the story.  I was so amazed that he knew it.  Just when you think that you’re not doing much, the Lord shows you that He is working through your teaching!
  • My friend Ashley had her baby, and we got to go to the hospital and see them and hold the baby.  The whole time we were there, the husband/daddy just grinned from ear to ear.  I’m not there yet, but I look forward to that.
  • I went on a date with my love Saturday night.  I enjoy him very much.  We had a great time.
  • I was able to try on my bridesmaid’s dress successfully without the issues getting out of it that I had last time.
  • My friend Justin came to church with me for the second time and even went out to lunch with the singles group!  Maybe he will come to Legacy??  That is exciting to me.
  • I went to Central Market to get fruit yesterday.  Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Central Market’s produce section?  Well, I do.  I bought three oranges, and they weighed over three pounds.  When I held them up to show Lance, he goes, “Honey, I think that’s a grapefruit.”  False.  Orange .  Giant orange, but orange nonetheless.
  • Our summer interns arrived this weekend, and one of them is one of Terra’s friends.  She tells me that Sister and I have the same mannerisms.  This makes me simultaneously happy/laughing/proud.  Don’t get me wrong – I like my sister, but it is crazy to me that we have the same mannerisms.  We were as different as night and day when we lived under the same roof, but somehow in different cities and with totally different groups of friends, we turned into the same person.  Miracle?  Possibly.
  • I am going to Banana tonight to use a coupon and a gift card.  Yesss!
  • Speaking of said Banana gift card, I finally accrued enough Discover card points to get a reward… after having that card for like 6 years.  Oh well – hooray anyway!
  • One of the attorneys I work for is going to do some work for my parents’ church.  Awesome because it’s more business for this attorney plus my parents get helped out plus I’ll get to talk to my dad at work.  Ha.
  • We are being tremendously blessed by our small group.  It is so wonderful to be surrounded by other people who love the Lord and wrestle with the same things we do and enjoy the same things we do.  I tend to eat a lot of dessert at small group, which is probably not good, but I think that fellowship and cookies fall under the umbrella of “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”
  • I made an appointment with a dentist that Lance grew up with at church to get a second opinion on all of that dental work, so at least I will have answers soon instead of just fretting that I will have to wear dentures before I turn 30.
  • Still a fan of my FitFlops – no more knee pain from walking to and from work in shoes that were not designed for that at all.  I’m not sure that my legs are becoming as fabulous as the advertisement touted they would, but I can appreciate a lack of hurting!
  • Lance and I implemented some new housecleaning rules… Basically, we keep our living room/kitchen/dining area decently clean, and our bedroom is okay too… but somehow it seems like we never make it to cleaning our bathroom.  (This is probably due to the fact that we are the only ones that see it…)  There is always laundry, dishes, picking up, and vacuuming, so it is quite normal to clean the house for an entire evening and never make it to the master bath.  Anyway, we now switch off every two weeks with chores to be done in our bathroom so that it stays clean and I don’t complain!  I’m really happy with the system – we really are splitting the work, our bathroom gets cleaned, and we don’t have to pay the money I wanted to pay to a housekeeper.  Along with that, I should say that it’s a blessing to me that Lance and I communicate so well.  I can be really frustrated that our bathroom is dirty, and he can not care that our bathroom is dirty, and we can talk about it without getting mad at each other.

As you can see, there is far more good news in my life than bad.  I am tremendously blessed.  Thanks, Lord.

 

 
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