Brain vom. April 28, 2008

Wow… post-retreat Monday mornings are NOT my friend.  I am absolutely exhausted, and my list of things to accomplish in the next four days seems never-ending.  I have another retreat this coming weekend, and there are a ton of things I am responsible for before, during, and after this retreat.  I get overwhelmed easily, and overwhelmed I most definitely am.  I know everything will work out just fine, but right now I would much prefer curling up in my bed to tackling this monstrous to-do list.

The focus of the retreat this past weekend was “wasting” time with God… which is obviously never actually a waste…  Anyway, it was fantastic to sit and spend time praying and thinking and even singing by myself.  I went jogging and ended up in this little amphitheater right beside the lake.  I sat and watched the waves and sang for awhile.  It was really peaceful, which was just wonderful.  I need more quiet time in my life.  I get so busy that I literally feel like I live in a constant state of panic.  My heart will race and my hands will shake… and I need that peace.  I need to be held.  I need to pray without being distracted by a zillion other things.

I am also growing ever more grateful for my parents.  They loved me enough to be strict even when it sucked for them and for me.  I am just dumbfounded by the number of parents that care more about being their children’s friends than being their parents.  My parents and I have a fabulous friendship now… but they took their job of raising me pretty seriously.  Parenting is not a popularity contest, and it breaks my heart that families are sacrificing the role of shaping their children for the role of being their running buddies.  I pray that I will be able to lead and shape my children someday in a way that help them to know God, to love themselves and others, and maybe want to be my friend after all.

I have also been wrestling with my own selfishness lately.  Lance and I got into an argument thing (it wasn’t an explosion or anything… just a miscommunication that snowballed as we both began to get frustrated with each other) on Friday night… and I realized during that alone time on Saturday that I was upset with him because HE didn’t fix it.  I wanted him to pursue me, apologize, and want to make it right.  Because I desired that he take care of it, I refused to make any effort.  Wow.  I am three years old.  What an immature response!  And SO unfair to Lance!  It’s really hard to put others (including one I love and have committed my life to) above myself!  I realize more and more how truly amazing Jesus’ life on this earth was.  He always put others above himself… and that is super duper hard!

Okay, and one more thing.  I am really frustrated/angered/exasperated/surprised/hurt/embarassed/fed up with the sexual activity going on in the youth group.  This whole “well, it’s not techically sex” excuse is turbo lame… and it is not a part of the godly life the Father desires for His children.  It doesn’t matter whether all the other couples are doing it or not… you will stand not only before God one day (and I’m pretty sure He will not appreciate the turbo lame excuse)… you will also stand before your spouse.  You will look into each other’s eyes as you walk down the aisle and make vows.  You will commit your life and your love and your body to this other person for the rest of your life.  I find it to be utterly disrepectful to the God of creation and the Creator of marriage to make pitiful excuses.  He has promised that we are not tempted in any way that is not common to man… and that He provides a way out so that we may stand up under it.  He has given us His Spirit… and with that comes a power that we can’t begin to imagine.  God dwells in us.  Wow!  He has not abandoned us to try to fight it out on our own; instead, He has empowered us and provided all that we need.  When we make choices that slap Him in the face, we do so of our own devices…. not because we are incapable of making the right choice.

This whole post is like my brain vomit.  Everything that’s been rumbling around in my brain for awhile just all spilled out at once.  I welcome feedback on any of these things…

“Things I’m thankful for” Thursdays II April 24, 2008

Well, I’m pretty sure I flaked out last Thursday… but this Thursday, I’m making it happen.  Okay, so 10 things I’m thankful for today:

1. Lance and I are going on vacation to Mexico!  We booked a vacation today to the Riviera Maya!  I am so thrilled!  Vacation with my precious husband and best friend on a beach!  This means that I have something to really look forward to… something more than work, work, work, work, work, work, work.  I have Mexico!
2. I had a fabulous time with my mom at lunch on Saturday.  I’m so thankful for my relationship with her.
3. My work week has been much slower and less stressful, which has been nice.
4. My sweet husband took care of dinner for me.  It was delicious… AND he did dishes.  Wow.  I’m always thankful for him.
5. I’m thankful that Lance and I are becoming more involved in our church as a whole instead of just with the youth group.  Lance preached on Wednesday, and I’m leading singing at the women’s retreat next weekend… it’s good to feel a part of things.
6. I had a great dinner with my friend Melissa on Tuesday night.  We had a grand ol’ time.  We laughed a lot!   I’m really thankful to be making good friends around here instead of just my college friends.
7. Our shows are back on!
8. We made it through the whole month of April only going to the grocery store TWICE thanks to the menu method!
9. Tomorrow is FRIDAY!
10. Lance and Buddy and I have a very happy home.  I really love coming home to this place.

Okay, so that’s what I’m thankful for today!  Have a fabulous weekend!

Weekend time! Hooray! April 18, 2008

Well, it’s officially the weekend now!  Hooray!

This week was a super bizarro one.  I worked from home Monday through Wednesday, which was spectacular.  It was far less stressful than being at work… plus I got all my laundry done!  It has been a very busy week… I spent the entire week wrapping up a project that has been causing me heartbreak for months.  I’m learning that I’m pretty independent and grow indignant when I am micro-managed.  I find it be insulting and demeaning… and I got a LOT of it this week.  Three questions on my status just today!  Ridic?  Yup.  I finished the project though, so life should be sunnier come Monday.  I think I’m going to treat myself to a pedicure though.

Well, Lance is gone on an elders/ministers retreat, so I’m chillin’ at home with the pup.  I really do talk to him like he understands what I’m saying.  In my head, he does understand.   I came home and got started redoing my desk.  I put that stripper gunk all over it… and it smells awful waffle!  Heavens!  It makes it hurt to breathe.  It’s out there in the garage drying right now.  I look FABULOUS when I work, by the way.  I’m in my paintin’ pants and my striped prison-esque shirt from the Cowtown, and I wore elbow-length rubber gloves and goggles.  This might be a good time to mention the fact that my eyes have not always made it through my home improvement projects unscathed.  I was sitting in the kitchen sink painting the inside of the window and managed to flick paint ONTO MY EYEBALL.  I just sat there and screamed (ever the graceful, calm-under-pressure heroine), and Lance came in and “helped.”  By that, I mean that he grabbed my head by the ponytail and put my face in the sink and went after my eye with the vegetable sprayer.  I do about as well with eyedrops as Rachel from Friends.  I’m no good at things entering my eyeball.  Anyway, he sprayed my eye until the paint went away… and since he’s gone this weekend, I decided that I should be super safe… just in case.  So… yes… hotness = me.

My mom and I are meeting for lunch at La Madeleine tomorrow.  I love these lunches!

Oh, so May is going to be a crazy month for me… I already scheduled a teeth cleaning, and now I think I’m going to have to have my wisdom teeth out, so I have a surgical consult, and I will be having surgery in May.  That is waaaaay too many visits with people that I have to call “Doctor.”

Welp, I’m a’gonna go see if my stripper dried.  Ha.  Now that’s a funny sentence right there.  Wish me luck!

Friday afternoons… April 11, 2008

It is 4:31 on a Friday afternoon, so I am officially 29 minutes away from the weekend.  I always get super excited about this time every Friday.  It means freedom is close enough that I can almost taste it.

You know one thing that I think is really cool about God?  He always seems to bless Lance with a good week when I’m having an awful one, and He always seems to bless me with a good week when Lance is having an awful one.  Lately, I’ve been having a rough time (as can be read in nearly every blog entry), and things have been going really well for Lance, so he has taken care of me and been strong and supportive for me.  Well, Lance found out last night that he’s in quite a pickle… a position to have to choose between two friends that really don’t like each other.  Lance has such a precious heart that he wants so much to make everyone happy… but I don’t know that that will be possible in this situation.  Anyway, I have been blessed with a good week at work lately, so I am in a place to take care of him and be strong and supportive for him.

I think it’s really cool that God does that.  I don’t know what would happen if we both had bad weeks at the same time!  Who would take care of us?!  I mean, there are tons of really cool things about God… but that’s a little one that I think is really neat.

Well, as I write this, my colleagues at work are throwing footballs and squishy balls and darts (the nerf kind) around the office.  Ha.  We look like a bunch of really big 6-year-olds.  Just to clarify – not ALL of my colleagues are doing this.  About 4 are still working… all the salesmen left already… one guy is working on his go-cart in the parking lot… the girls near me are discussing where they are going to happy hour… you know, the usual Friday afternoon stuff!

A few things to be cheerful about this afternoon:  I got a TON of work done today!  I get to see my parents tomorrow!  I will be working from home Monday through Wednesday (because I want to, not because I’m in grown-up timeout!)!  Lance and I are planning to do some yardwork and get our house all clean… and I’m actually excited about it!  I rather enjoy being domestic at times. The Mavs made it into the playoffs in a super-cool-ending game… so Lance is happy about that!  Buddy and I made it through our walk yesterday without my slamming his face into a mailbox!  I am four minutes away from going HOME!  Have a fab weekend!  I plan to!

“Things I’m Thankful for” Thursdays April 10, 2008

I don’t know that this theme day will be adopted with the same zeal that “Overly Enthusiastic Greeting” Thursdays were adopted with in college… but I think that pausing to be thankful for the many blessings I have in the midst of my tumultuous week will (potentially) remind me of all that I have instead of allowing me to dwell on the things I don’t have.  So… here goes.  Things I’m thankful for:

1. My husband!  He is so perfect for me, and he has been just amazing lately.  I’m pretty darn happy that I married him.  We have a really wonderful marriage, and he just blesses me.
2. My family!  In fact, my mom just called to see how I was doing, and my sister texted me yesterday to tell me to have a good day.  I love having such a supportive family.
3. Our house wasn’t damaged by the terrible storm (which I slept through, by the way)!
4. Even though I really hate my job sometimes, I am certainly thankful that Lance and I both have jobs.
5. Yesterday was a better day than Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday!
6. I found some people to come play Friends Scene It with me!  Granted, they are all in high school….
7. I think I’ll get to work from home next week – on my own terms!
8. I was asked to help lead worship on the women’s retreat, and Melissa is going with me so that I’ll have a friend!
9. I mastered the diffuser of my blowdrier for the first time this morning!  (Just to be clear, my hair still doesn’t do the curly thing, but at least I’m smart enough to use the attachment now!)
10. Tomorrow is Friday, and it sounds like we are going to have a fun weekend!  We are having steaks for dinner, and then we are talking about going to see Leatherheads at the movies.  Saturday we have a Rangers game/3rd Day concert, and it sounds like we’ll have a pretty laid-back Sunday.

I think I’m going to start doing this every Thursday.  Just typing that list made me happier.

My name is Taylor, and I’m a chocoholic. April 8, 2008

I couldn’t count the number of M&Ms I’ve eaten in the past few days if I tried.  As it turns out, I guess I’m an emotional eater!

I’m pretty nervous about tomorrow… I think I’ll have to face off with my supervisor.  Just writing that sentence makes me want more M&Ms…

On a happier note, I won a prize at Bunko last night!  I haven’t won a prize the entire time I’ve been playing (since September!), but I won something last night!  Hooray!

Well, I now need to do stuff and stuff… and then I need to get online and get some more work done.  If anyone knows of any good jobs floating around out there, feel free to give me a call!

In summary/Admiration April 6, 2008

Summary:

Normally, Fridays are the days that I am at my most joyful.  I go to work (in jeans) knowing that we will go out to lunch, that I will get off at 5:00 instead of 5:30, and that it is weekend time.  This past Friday ruined my heretofore joyful Fridays.  Friday at work was actually worse than Thursday, which I truly didn’t think was possible.  It’s a really long story as to why it was worse… but trust me on this one.  If Thursday wasn’t enough to clarify whether I should stay or leave… Friday sealed my fate.  Please pray for me as I search intently for a new job… and for God’s will for my career path.

Admiration:

The complete debacle of my emotional state as of late has reminded me once again that I am tremendously blessed to be married to Lance.  After crying multiple times in only two short days, I had somewhat figured that my weekend would be spent in pajamas eating as many M&Ms as possible in an attempt to cheer myself up/satiate my unrelenting desire for chocolate when I get sad.  Instead, Lance and I had a fantastic weekend together.  He makes my heart smile, and I am truly thankful for his presence in my life.

For now, then, I will enjoy the fact that we get to spend extra time together since I’ll be working at home.  I’m not thrilled by the current situation, but I am thrilled that Lance and I will get to spend a bit more time together over these next few days. 

Craptasticness April 3, 2008

Wow… Today was an awful day at work.  I just walked out of work like 15 minutes before the day was over because I was starting to cry sitting at my desk.  I got in the car, called my sweet Lance, and bawled the whole way home.  Just FYI - I didn’t feel bad leaving early because I worked from home tonight so I definitely made up the time.

As most anyone who would be reading this blog knows, I have been struggling with my job for a long time… and my prayer has been that the Lord will make his purpose for me clear.  I was absolutely certain that he wanted me to remove myself from my job, but then things got much better, and I was feeling happy again, so I thought maybe I misinterpreted his plan.  The entire year of 2008 has been extremely difficult for me work-wise, and my prayer all along has been that God will make it clear to me whether he wants me to stay and shine his light or whether he has plans for me elsewhere.  I believe that the Lord will provide a place for me… and that he wants me to step away from this place.

After I just sobbed on the phone to Lance (poor, sweet, precious husband of mine!), I hung up and turned up the radio… and “Hold Me, Jesus” was playing.  I know the Lord is going to provide… just like he has proven to me time and time and time again that he always does.

He always sends me that song to remind me that he’s there… that he hears me… that he sees my tears… that he knows my pain… and that he is holding me whether I feel held or not.

Please pray for me (and for Lance) as I begin a diligent job search in a suffering economy.  My God is bigger than the economy… and I can’t WAIT to see what he’s going to do.

Update April 2, 2008

Wow.  I haven’t posted in nearly a week!  Shame on me, I know.  As usual, I will begin with the always-riveting summary of my week thus far:

Friday:  Work = blah.  Moving on.  Friday night, Lance and I went out on a date to celebrate our fifth year of being together.  Aww, I know.  We went to Uncle Julio’s for dinner (delish!) and picked up dessert at Cheesecake Factory on the way home.  We also rented “I Am Legend.”  Meh.  Not a super movie.  It was certainly a great evening though!  I do enjoy spending time with that husband of mine.

Saturday:  We got up pretty early and drove down to San Marcos for a wedding.  It was a really great wedding, and I’m super glad we were there… but then we drove all the way back.  We spent like 8 hours in the car to go to a 3-hour deal.  It was a long day.  It was a beautiful wedding though.

Sunday:  We went to church and then an LTC planning lunch.  Apparently they want me to lead another chorus for LTC next year, which I take as quite a compliment, but I worry about the repercussions it might have as I would be taking it away from another girl.  We then had this fellowship dinner up at church.  It was in our new auditorium, which is still under construction.  They brought in tables and chairs, and we all ate dinner and sang in our new building.  Lance led singing and did a wonderful job.  I felt pretty good about it, too, because I helped pick the songs.  Anyway, after that, we all got to sign our name on the slab in the new building, so that was pretty cool.  I will always know that it says my name and my favorite verse on the stage steps in the auditorium.

Monday:  Lance and I had decided to look around for a new TV and had been researching for awhile.  We decided to look a few places on Monday night, and we ended up coming home with a 40″ LCD Sony HDTV.  Whew.  What a mouthful!  We are now hunting for a stand or an armoire for this TV so that we can actually set it up.

Tuesday:  Lance had Bible study (at our house again), and I went to Wal-Mart.  I am trying something brand new this week… I made a menu for every meal from now until Saturday, April 12th and made a shopping list off of this menu.  Our trip was cheaper than usual… We’ll see if I really got everything we need for the next 10 days’ worth of food.  If it works out, I may have to make this my new system!

Today:  Work… nothing super interesting… church… practiced with my chorus because they’re singing at areawide on Sunday… and now I’m home blogging and watching Law & Order and laughing at my crazy pup who’s running all over the place.

Some interesting things that have happened in my life lately:

Sunday was Mission Sunday at church, and Lance and I had talked and prayed and fasted about Mission Sunday and about how much we should pledge to give.  We are very thankful for the financial situation we are in, and we really believe that the Lord has blessed us financially because we have worked hard to be good stewards of our money.  We have tried to be generous and hospitable and to be faithful with our tithe.  Anyway, Lance and I were a little nervie about giving more money on top of the tithe we’re already giving and how that would affect our finances.  Well, we made a decision about how much to give and felt good about it.  We filled out the pledge card and wrote the first check on Sunday and trusted that the Lord would provide for us.  Sunday afternoon, I was cleaning out our office and found some unopened envelopes from our mortgage company and sat down to open them.  Okay – admission time:  I don’t understand this whole escrow thing.  I put money in… and have to keep money in there… and sometimes they give me money back??  I dunno.  Super confused.  But I digress.  Anyway, so we had this letter from our mortgage company saying that they were decreasing our mortgage… GET THIS.  They are decreasing our mortgage by the same amount we pledged to give to the church each month for our missions fund!  How amazing is that?!  God always provides for us.

At that lunch on Sunday, everyone went on and on about how great I did coaching my LTC chorus.  That made me feel awesome (and humbled) because I can’t read music very well, I never gave my girls sheet music, and I didn’t give them any notes until the day we performed!  I did give them bracelets though… Maybe that made the difference!  Ha.  Anyway, they asked me to lead the elementary chorus next year!  Crazy…

I guess that’s a lot to happen in under a week…  Aaaaaaand that’s all for now.